If You Could See Me Now: A Chronicle of Identity and Adoption by Michael Mewshaw
Memoir Hardcover
ISBN: 1-932961-20-8
6 x 9 / 240 Pages / $23.95 / April 2006
Summary | Praise | Excerpt | Reading Guide | Widgets | Bio | Events
Summary
When Michael Mewshaw receives a call from a stranger who says she has reason to believe he is her biological father, Mewshaw realizes he has been half dreading, half hoping for this to happen for over thirty years. Just like the young woman who wants to find the last piece to the puzzle of her life, he thinks it’s possible that in the same process he will discover the answer to questions that have plagued him for decades. But first he has to make sure that she is who she claims to be.
In this fascinating memoir, Mewhsaw confronts his own past, the chaos of his family, and complicated memories of the woman he once loved who went on to success as an ambassador, Under Secretary of State and a member of one of America’s most influential families. His unusual role in the baby’s birth, her adoption and, now, her search for her biological parents sets the stage for a revealing personal odyssey that offers a quest for identity and a journey of discovery, an obsession with recapturing the past and righting old wrongs, the constant potential for disappointment balanced against the possibility of redemption. As he finds his old flame and her old lover, rediscovering who he was and who he has become, he finds his life enriched in the process.
Praise
“[A] real bond grew between the adopted child and the man who was not her father but who became her friend. Mewshaw helped Amy patiently and compassionately in spite of his hurts and shortcomings, just as he once helped her mother. There is courage in this exercise, and there is hope. Supported by loving families in the present, these two people went looking for an uncomfortable piece of the past together. Now that they have found it, maybe they both can leave it behind.”—The Washington Post
“Moving.”—The Arkansas Democrat Gazette
“If You Could See Me Now is a work of art and stands shoulder to shoulder with the best memoirs of our age. Mewshaw’s career is a pure wonder and If You Could See Me Now is his crowning achievement.”—Pat Conroy
“If You Could See Me Now is a vivid and powerful story of first love, with a twist. Mewshaw’s deep personal involvement in the story offers a rare perspective—a male point of view on pregnancy, the relinquishment of a child, and a woman’s search for her biological parents. This true story reads like the best novels—once you get into it you won’t be able to put it down.” —Judy Blume
“An intimate saga.”—Publishers Weekly
“Mewshaw’s considerable skill as writer lends heart and spirit to his bittersweet chronicle….Mewshaw shares his memories poignantly and honestly… The results are powerful, indeed.”—Midwest Book Review
“[P]oignant…What makes the narrative distinctive is that the storyteller is not a part of the adoption triad (birthparent, adopting parent, and adoptee), yet it still illustrates the difficulties that adoptees face in researching their biological background and in locating birth parents who had been assured of anonymity…Although true, this story reads like fiction and is hard to put down once started. An excellent addition to all public libraries; highly recommended.”—Library Journal
“[A] surprisingly compelling story that at times reads like a mystery….Tantalizing because of its near exposure of the misdeeds of the nearly famous, Mewshaw’s book is interesting also as an example of how the small dramas of one’s life, considered in hindsight, can make for good reading.”—Debra Hamel, book-blog.com
“This terrific memoir will grip from the onset..and never lets readers go even after we finish…. Michael Mewshaw bears open the core of his essence in this powerful look at who a person is, as he ponders whether someone is a product of the environment, the DNA, or some hybrid. Nonfiction readers will want to peruse this powerful soul searcher.”—Harriet Klausner
“His writing is fast-paced, the suspense builds effectively, and the dialogue is natural and realistic…Thoughtfully written, without hearts-and-flowers sentimentality, this book addresses the adoption issue from a broader perspective than that of the adoptee and the birth parents—other people are always involved, too. As Mewshaw shows each person considering this complex issue and making an irrevocable decision at a very young age, he also connects the past with the present, showing each person revisiting that decision thirty years later. In this he performs a service which many adoptive parents and adoptees will find enlightening.”
—MostlyFiction.com
“ “If You Could See Me Now” is a true story, but based on what happens and the way author Michael Mewshaw tells it, you might have a hard time remembering that it’s a memoir and not a novel…Sporting a quiet cover that only hints at the story inside, “If You Could See Me Now” is a very different memoir-mystery with an ending that will make you wonder. If you’re a parent, caregiver, or were ever touched by adoption, this book is one you should definitely see yourself reading.”—The Bookworm Sez
Bio
Michael Mewshaw is the best-selling author of ten novels (Shelter from the Storm, etc) and six previous books of non-fiction (Life for Death, Ladies of the Court, etc). He has won awards for fiction, travel writing, investigative reporting and sports journalism. Hundreds of his articles and reviews have appeared in the NY Times, the Washington Post, LA Times, Playboy and other newspapers and magazines around the world. His work has been translated into a dozen languages. He and his wife Linda live in Key West in winter and in London in summer.
Excerpt
In California, where it was mid-morning, Amy answered the phone at work. I had hoped to ring her at a home number. It wasn’t just that I preferred to speak to her in privacy. I liked to imagine her as a mother in a domestic setting, fulfilled, secure. Yet even in an office, with colleagues nearby, she sounded friendly and relaxed, and assured me that this was a good time to talk. After a bit of preliminary throat clearing – profuse thanks for calling, apologies for probing – she got down to her questions.
“Have you ever lived in LA?” she asked.
“Yes. A long time ago.”
“In 1964? I was born on Christmas Eve that year.”
“Yes, I was in California then.”
“I know this is awfully sudden and may come as a shock, but I have reason to believe you’re my biological father.”
“An hour ago you told my half-sister you believed she was your mother.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“How sure are you about me?”
Amy didn’t answer directly. Perhaps my question struck her as aggressive, and she wanted to avoid any hint of confrontation. Every bit as sweet and lovely as Karen had described her, she volunteered information about herself. She told me she had been born at California Lutheran Hospital. She named the doctor who delivered her and specified the time of her delivery and her birth weight. The Children’s Home Society of California, she said, had handled her adoption and she had grown up in the Valley. Now in her early thirties, she had had a first marriage that didn’t last. It looked likely she would marry again soon, and since she hoped to have kids, she needed to learn about her family and their medical history.
“That’s my primary motivation,” Amy said. “I’m not looking for somebody to be my parent. I had a wonderful mother and father and a happy childhood. I don’t want to barge into anybody else’s life or upset you and your family. I’m not expecting a public acknowledgement of paternity. I’d just like to meet you and find my mother, but if that’s not possible, I’ll be satisfied with some background information and a medical history.”
When I asked Amy what she looked like, she said, “I’m five feet seven and weigh a hundred and twenty eight pounds. My hair’s straight and dark brown, and my eyes are brown too.”
“Tell him you resemble Sandra Bullock,” someone at her end shouted.
Amy laughed. “That’s on a good day and in good light. But you get the picture.”
Indeed, it was a picture deeply familiar to me. Still, I hesitated to admit this or anything else.